i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
