i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
