I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
