she was so not down for the gang bang
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize