i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
