So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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