I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
