one might say we're banned from that church
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
