i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
nutella sex= disaster
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize