Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
