please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
