Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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