ADVERTISEMENT

• (810): View more from Michigan

  I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

  Fav 30 6476 1353

  share tweet
  

• (269): View more from Michigan

  when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

  Fav 16 7697 1331

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (702): View more from Nevada

  So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"

  Fav 17 4560 1874

  share tweet
  

• (623): View more from Arizona

  and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.

  Fav 4 960 2956

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa

  Fav 7 2479 1474

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.

  Fav 17 3845 1291

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.

  Fav 4 2134 1163

  share tweet
  

• (386): View more from Florida

  Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.

  Fav 1 1584 534

  share tweet
  

• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.

  Fav 1 842 606

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.

  Fav 0 679 747

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans

  Fav 5 1043 505

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house

  Fav 0 162 150

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING

  Fav 2 123 188

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need to get me chipped asap

  Fav 0 77 16

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (719): View more from Colorado

  I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.

  Fav 0 10 30

  share tweet
  

Randomize