I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think your dad took our porno
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
