mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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