I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
