I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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