I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize