What a fucking waste of an outfit
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
