Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
