I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i will never coherently bang her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
