I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
