Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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