I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
