i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
