In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
