i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ttyl tear gas
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
