so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
