You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
