Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
