My first STD was from a foam party
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
