hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
