official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize