Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
