I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
