We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
