I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
