i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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