So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize