Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
