Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize