so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
