I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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