Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
