Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
