could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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