Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i came on her dog
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize