I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
try to milk me bitch
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