he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
