come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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