I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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