A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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