You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
