I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
