nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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