I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
