We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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