Your dad touched me again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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