I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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