Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize