You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize
