So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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