But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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