Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
