i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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