he was CRYING into my vagina
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
