Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
