I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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