If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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