she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
