Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
