hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
