True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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