I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need help removing her.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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