The maid of honor just puked.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
