Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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