Will you blow on my dice?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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