his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
