Umm I'm too high to move.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
