Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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