ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
