just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize