Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
