There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
