Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
