Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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