Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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