I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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