so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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