I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
