barbara walters just said penis...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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