worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
