my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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