And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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