I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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