I can't breathe out the right side of my face
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
