Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
