there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
