Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
