So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
