i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
