I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize