speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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