He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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