Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
